Alleson vs. Linda Christine
I have always disliked my name. Always.
When I was a child I always wished for a different name. My sister told me that she and my other siblings were shocked when my parents brought me home from the hospital I had a completely different name that the one they were originally told. Apparently my family is notorious for being strange with names, as my mom was named after her father’s old girlfriend … what was that about?!? Just another clue, much is always amiss with this group of souls I choose.
Growing up I was always embarrassed when people told me my name meant beautiful in Spanish (talk about self-love issues! PHEW!). My friend’s dad use to sing a song about my name every time he saw me - that one was acceptable to me because I thought he was an awesome guy. But, safe to say I did all I could to avoid my name. In essence, I was avoiding me, the person I came here to be.
A few years ago I learned about the Kabalarian Philosophy. In a nutshell, this organization helps you select a ‘balanced name’ one that offers you stronger mental capacity, a more focused life and a change of perspective by using your birthdate and numerology to create names. They say the effects of this ‘balanced name’ can be immediate and dramatic. Of course I jumped on that.
I loved my new name. I felt powerful, strong, confident and attractive. Isn’t that interesting?
What I didn’t count on was the parallel timeline of sorts that I created - living one side of my life with my birth name and the other side of my life with my new ‘balanced’ name. I felt like I had two lives - a split personality. Floating back and forth between the old 3D birth name me and the 5D spiritual, esoteric me.
As time went on, this didn’t get easier. Gosh, I love my new ‘chosen’ name, it resonates with my soul. But there was always this deep down, subconscious nagging feeling that I was trying to be someone that I am not.
I sat with this for months. I sat and sat and sat and sat. I kept tapping into my inner knowing … and to say I wasn’t really wanting to hear the answer is an understatement.
As I drilled down into my subconscious thoughts about my given name, I hit another layer of the lack self-love that I never expected to find. I went deep. I found there was a layer of not belonging in my family because I was a mistake (born 12 years behind my three siblings who are all a year apart). To exacerbate the issue, my parents divorced when I was in 3rd grade, never telling me they were splitting up. My mom simply took me to Minnesota that summer and enrolled me in school that fall. My Dad went to New Orleans where we had been recently looking for houses to move into. Again, I wasn’t important enough to be told our family was breaking up.
These were just a couple of the biggies that I’ve worked on and dissected inside and out over my many years that I have long come to peace with and moved on. However I NEVER, EVER thought any of these life events had a connection to my sissues surrounding my name!
WOW.
So back to my months and months contemplation … I will always LOVE the ‘balanced’ name I choose, Alleson. It’s everything I said above and more. But today I am making making a decision to embrace Linda. I have entered a state of acceptance with my birth name. I will use it with my middle name, Christine, which I love. And I will fall into a deeper state of self-love with this woman, Linda Christine. She is just as strong, savvy, beautiful and intelligent as Alleson was, and more. She is me. I AM.
