chasing self-love
Self-love can be a tricky thing for the majority of us humans. Self-love can be elusive. Self-love can be misunderstood. Self-love can hit us deep at the core of who we are. Self-love (or lack of) will define how we treat others, the manner in which we talk to ourself, and the way we love the ones that are closest to us in this life.
Contrary to social media’s programming, #selflove is not getting your nails done or buying a new outfit, albeit those things are wonderful. Truly examining self-love or the lack of, requires some heavy contemplative time going inside and unraveling the bandages to get to the source of the wound(s).
I have spent decades on deep dives, both spiritual and emotional, studying techniques and learning how to be the best & healthiest me I can be. Bottom line, I have found that complete healing is kinda like chasing a greased pig; you will never catch it, but you keep chasing it because you love bacon!
As for my own self-love journey, I strive to remove any negative self-talk. I am learning to witness situations in neutrality by not get drawn into other’s drama and remaining the observer. Daily I take care for my health, mentally and physically. I have adopted an understanding that I am not responsible for the way others view me … I could go on and on. None of the aforementioned matter because lack of self-love can still seep deep into the vast crevices of your being.
Today, I was sucker punched by my own lack of self-love that I didn’t know still existed. During a conversation, my friend was asking why I was dragging my feet on printing the Oracle Card Deck that I created a few months back. He asked me a simple question that hurled me through time and space on quantum rocket ship back to 7 year old me. I’ll spare you the details, but I’m sure you guessed it, it centered around my lack of self-worth and feeling unloved, thus viewing myself as ‘not worthy of love’.
BAM! The tears flowing and my mind reeling. WOW. Healing the lack of self-love certainly is the never ending story,
I’m grateful that my friend guided me in a heart-centered meditation that took me into the coffers of my inner heart space. I cleared away the gunk and debris that lay dormant all these years. And let me tell you, there was a LOT of ooey-gooey, dark gunk that I never imagined was still residing within me.
The lack of self-love is a Jack-in-the-Box, it will pop up out of nowhere when you least expect it. When it jumps out at you, if you have the capacity and awareness at that time, merely witness the scenario. As you sit with it, start to tap into what that that lack felt like for you, how you are emotionally struck by that lack and how you, as the wise sage you are now, would change that situation. And, if you’re really have your sights set on healing, try a mediation where you go back into that memory, take that little girl or boy’s hand and walk them trough the scene on your terms. Remember, you have the power to rewrite your script for this grand illusion called life, produced, directed and starring YOU!
I simply share my path with the hope that it may assist someone else one day. Take only what resonates and leave the rest behind.
